Sarcasm Quotes, Sarcastic Sayings

DownUp +36

I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.
- Anonymous

DownUp +33

I like you. People say I’ve got no taste, but I like you.
- Anonymous

DownUp +28

Don’t be humble. You’re not that great.
- Golda Meir

DownUp +27

Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
- Anonymous

DownUp +27

He was happily married – but his wife wasn’t.
- Anonymous

DownUp +26

Someone who thinks logically, provides a nice contrast to the real world.
- Anonymous

DownUp +26

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
- Anonymous

DownUp +23

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
- Anonymous

DownUp +20

A sarcastic person has a superiority complex that can be cured only by the honesty of humility.
- Anonymous

DownUp +20

Nothing is more discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm.
- Anonymous

DownUp +20

There’s too much blood in my caffeine system.
- Anonymous

DownUp +20

You were looking good from afar.. now you’re far from looking good.
- Anonymous

DownUp +18

If you’re one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you.
- Anonymous

DownUp +18

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Anonymous

DownUp +18

We are responsible for what we do unless we are celebrities.
- Anonymous

DownUp +18

There are some people who come in your life pretending that they love u only because they need you

Submitted by Uzair Lallmamode.
DownUp +17

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
- Anonymous

DownUp +16

Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
- Anonymous

DownUp +10

The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have to mow it.
- Anonymous

DownUp +7

Sarcasm I now see to be, in general, the language of the devil.
- Anonymous

DownUp +7

The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
- Frank Zappa

DownUp +7

Mail your packages early so the Post Office can lose them in time for Christmas.
- Johnny Carson

DownUp +6

Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it.
- Gordon Dickson

DownUp +5

You have delighted us long enough.
- Jane Austen

DownUp +5

He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.
- Forrest Tucker

DownUp +5

I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of a hill.
- Erma Bombeck

DownUp +5

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
- George Bernard Shaw

DownUp +5

To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.
- Gustave Flaubert

DownUp +4

I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.
- Clarence Darrow

DownUp +4

When dealing with sarcastic people, prescribe them the same course of medicine but with a stronger dosage

Submitted by Elise Loh.
DownUp +3

A bureaucrat is a Democrat who holds some office that a Republican wants.
- Alben W. Barkley

DownUp +3

As regards rap music, I believe that the c is silent.
- Dr. Tony Giles

DownUp +3

Cookbooks bear the same relation to real books that microwave food bears to your grandmother’s.
- Andrei Codrescu

DownUp +3

A psychiatrist is a fellow who asks you a lot of expensive questions your wife asks for nothing.
- Joey Adams

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Man is the only animal that can remain on friendly terms with the victems he intends to eat until he eats them.
- Samuel Butler

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The one function that TV news performs very well is that when there is no news we give it to you with the same emphasis as if it were.
- David Brinkley

DownUp +2

It is not necesssary to understand things in order to argue about them.
- Caron

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Automatic simply means that you can’t repair it yourself.
- Frank Capra

DownUp +2

It’s always darkest before it turns absolutely pitch black.
- Paul Newman

DownUp +2

What I lack in decorum, I make up for with an absence of tact.
- Don Williams, Jr.

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