Funny Quotes and Sayings - Page 7
Sub Categories :- Funny Birthday Quotes
- Funny Golf Quotes
- Funny Marriage Quotes
- Funny Men Quotes
- Funny Witty Quotes
- Funny Women Quotes
+1If The Phone Doesn’t Ring, It’s Me.
- Jimmy Buffet
+1Man was predestined to have free will.
- Hal Lee Luyah
+1Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.
- P.D. East
+1Have no fear of perfection you’ll never reach it.
- Salvador Dali
+1There’s no such thing as fun for the whole family.
- Jerry Seinfeld
+1You can’t have everything… where would you put it?
- Steven Wright
+1People like you are the reason people like me take pills!
- Neva Faith Linn
+1Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same.
- Oscar Wilde
+1Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.
- George Ade
+1Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?
- Mae West
+1A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married.
- H.L. Mencken
+1Our childhood is what we spend the rest of our lives overcoming.
- Amy Bennett
+1The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.
- Douglas Adams
+1Anyone seen in a bus over the age of 30 has been a failure in life.
- Loelia
+1She was what we used to call a suicide blond – dyed by her own hand.
- Saul Bellow
+1She’s the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.
- Mae West
+1I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
- Groucho Marx
+1He who believes that the past cannot be changed has not yet written his memoirs.
- Torvald Gahlin
+1If you cannot answer a man’s argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names.
- Elbert Hubbard
+1I suppose we all have our recollections of our earlier holidays, all bristling with horror.
- Flann O’Brien
+1The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless.
- Nicholas Chamfort
+1Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia.
- Charles Schulz
+1I guess a drag queen’s like an oil painting: You gotta stand back from it to get the full effect.
- Harvey Fierstein
+1He’s turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he’s miserable and depressed.
- Harry Kalas
+1It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term.
- Mark Twain
+1I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.
- Alan Coren
+1The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
- Bill Watterson
+1The remarkable thing about Shakespeare is that he really is very good, in spite of all the people who say he is very good.
- Robert Graves
+1A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
- Fred Allen
+1The concerts you enjoy together, Neighbors you annoy together, Children you destroy together, That keep marriage in tact.
- Stephen Sondheim
+1Baseball is very big with my people. It figures. It’s the only way we can get to shake a bat at a white man without starting a riot.
- Dick Gregory
+1It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower or vacuum cleaner.
- Ben Bergor
+1An expert is a man who tells you a simple thing in a confused way in such a fashion as to make you think the confusion is your own fault.
- William Castle
+1I usually lump organized religion, organized labor, and organized crime together.The Mafia gets points for having the best restaurants.
- Dave Beard
+1Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years,only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.
- Groucho Marx
+1I’d much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships.
- Gilda Radner
+1Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.
- Garry Trudeau
+1I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments.
- Jim Morrison
+1Murphy was an optimist.
- Proverb
+1If you change lines, the one you just left will start to move faster than the one you are now in.
- O’Brian proverb
