Funny Quotes and Sayings
+1Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
- Bill Cosby
+1Coffee isn’t my cup of tea.
- Samuel Goldwyn
+1As I get older, I just prefer to knit.
- Tracey Ullman
+1The more candles on the cake, the harder they are to blow out.
+1Boys are beyond the range of anybody’s sure understanding, at least when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years.
- James Thurber
+1Every fight is a food fight when you’re a cannibal.
- Demetri Martin
+1You watch the pitlane while I stop the start watch…
- Murray Walker
+1Every time we love, every time we give, it’s Christmas.
- Dale Evans
+1A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.
- Samuel Goldwyn
+1Only one man ever understood me, and he didn’t understand me.
- G.W. Hegel
+1The radio has no future!
- Lord Kelvin
+1Jazz is not dead, it just smells funny.
- Frank Zappa
+1Man is a dog’s idea of what God should be.
- Holbrook Jackson
+1Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
- Groucho Marx
+1Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Erbert Hubbard
+1Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.
- Max Eastman
+1Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
- Peter Ustinov
+1Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Gustav Jung
+1A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
+1A vasectomy means never having to say you’re sorry.
- Anonymous
+1You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.
- Henny Youngman
+1Give a man a free hand and he’ll run it all over you.
- Mae West
+1No flying machine will ever fly from New York to Paris.
- Orville Wright
+1He’s got a photographic mind. Too bad it never developed.
- Leopold Fechtner
+1If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
- Sam Levenson