Funny Quotes and Sayings - Page 4
Sub Categories :- Funny Birthday Quotes
- Funny Golf Quotes
- Funny Marriage Quotes
- Funny Men Quotes
- Funny Witty Quotes
- Funny Women Quotes
+5Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
- Carl Gustav Jung
+5A comedian does funny things. A good comedian does things funny.
- Buster Keaton
+5Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT’S relativity.
- Albert Einstein
+4The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- Henry Youngman
+4You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is ‘never try’.
- Homer J Simpson
+4I speak two languages, Body and English.
- Mae West
+4My play was a complete success. The audience was a failure.
- Ashleigh Brilliant
+4God made mud, God made dirt, God made boys so girls could flirt.
- Anonymous
+4The best armor is staying out of gun-shot.
- Italian Proverb
+4Me fail english? Thats unpossible.
- Matt Groening
+4You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.
- Bob Hope
+4I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.
- Mae West
+4I hate it when people don’t remember my name. It means I have to try to think of it myself.
- John Alejandro King
+3Be able to go shopping for a bathing suit and not become depressed afterward.
- Marilyn Vos Savant
+3It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn’t take any to sit there with a dumb look on your face.
- Anonymous
+3Boys are beyond the range of anybody’s sure understanding, at least when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years.
- James Thurber
+3Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
- Anonymous
+3Airplanes may kill you, but they ain’t likely to hurt you.
- Satchel Paige
+3You’re slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
- Dilbert
+3The dog is a yes-animal, very popular with people who can’t afford to keep a yes-man.
- Robertson Davies
+3I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous everyone hasn’t met me yet.
- Rodney Dangerfield
+3Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.
- George Carlin
+3I don’t exaggerate. I just remember big.
- Chi Chi Rodriguez
+3I think fooseball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.
- Mitch Hedberg
+3Lisa, vampires are make believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.
- Dan Castellaneta
+3People eager to get married can be trusted about as much as people eager to get elected.
- Anonymous
+3In Mexico an air conditioner is called a politician because it makes a lot of noise but doesn’t work very well.
- Len Deighton
+3Every time we love, every time we give, it’s Christmas.
- Dale Evans
+3I don’t at all like knowing what people say of me behind my back. It makes me far too conceited.
- Oscar Wilde
+3Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.
- H.L. Mencken
+3No matter how happily a woman may be married, it always pleases her to discover that there is a nice man who wishes she were not.
- H.L. Mencken
+3Jazz is not dead, it just smells funny.
- Frank Zappa
+3Life is just one damned thing after another.
- Erbert Hubbard
+3Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
- Peter Ustinov
+3A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
+3He’s got a photographic mind. Too bad it never developed.
- Leopold Fechtner
+3If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
- Sam Levenson
+3A judge is a law student who marks his own examination papers.
- H. L. Mencken
+3Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.
- Katherine Hepburn
+3Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
- Erma Bombeck
