Funny Quotes and Sayings
+3Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
- Bill Cosby
+3Boys are beyond the range of anybody’s sure understanding, at least when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90 years.
- James Thurber
+3Lisa, vampires are make believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.
- Dan Castellaneta
+3The best way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
- E. Joseph Cossman
+3People eager to get married can be trusted about as much as people eager to get elected.
- Anonymous
+3It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn’t take any to sit there with a dumb look on your face.
- Anonymous
+3A friend doesn’t go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck
+3He’s got a photographic mind. Too bad it never developed.
- Leopold Fechtner
+3Operator, give me the number for 911!
- Homer J Simpson
+2What’s another word for thesaurus?
- Steven Wright
+2Adding “just kidding” doesn’t make it okay to insult the Principal.
- Nancy Cartwright
+2The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- Henry Youngman
+2Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I’m thirsty, not dirty.
- Joe E. Lewis
+2The best armor is staying out of gun-shot.
- Italian Proverb
+2China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese.
- Charles Gaulle
+2There is time for work. And time for love. That leaves no other time.
- Coco Chanel
+2That’s why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they’d call them something else.
- Proverb
+2When all else fails, stop using “all else”.
- Anonymous
+2Me fail english? Thats unpossible.
- Matt Groening
+2Never accept a drink from a urologist.
- Erma Bombeck
+2I speak two languages, Body and English.
- Mae West
+2Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
- Erma Bombeck
+2God made mud, God made dirt, God made boys so girls could flirt.
- Anonymous
+2You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.
- George Washington
+2The best way to lose weight is to eat all you want of everything you don’t like.
- Anonymous