Funny Quotes and Sayings - Page 2

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DownUp +24

It is true that I was born in Iowa, but I can’t speak for my twin sister.
– Anonymous

DownUp +24

The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his chest.
– Anonymous

DownUp +24

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
– Anonymous

DownUp +24

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
– Anonymous

DownUp +23

I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted.
– George Best

DownUp +23

The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.
– Kin Hubbard

DownUp +22

If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.
– Anonymous

DownUp +22

Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up
– Anonymous

DownUp +21

Silence is golden but duck tape is silver.
– Anonymous

DownUp +21

The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year.
– Woody Allen

DownUp +20

Attack life, it’s going to kill you anyway.
– Steven Coallier

DownUp +20

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
– Hedy Lamarr

DownUp +20

You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent ? That’s why I never take baths.
– Anonymous

DownUp +20

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
– Anonymous

DownUp +20

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
– Groucho Marx

DownUp +20

Golf is a game in which you yell “fore,” shoot six, and write down five.
– Anonymous

DownUp +20

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
– Anonymous

DownUp +20

Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
– Anonymous

DownUp +20

If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
– Anonymous

DownUp +20

Age is a number and mine is unlisted.
– Anonymous

DownUp +20

After 30, a body has a mind of its own.
– Anonymous

DownUp +18

Boys are like bubble gum, sweet in the beginning, but dull in the end! 😀

DownUp +18

I see your face when I am dreaming. That’s why I always wake up screaming.
– A. A. Attanasio

DownUp +18

The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.
– Anonymous

DownUp +18

The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.
– Anonymous

DownUp +18

Women Can’t live with them, can’t bury them in the back yard without the neighbors seeing.
– Anonymous

DownUp +18

A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.
– Robert Frost

DownUp +18

I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years
– Anonymous

DownUp +18

Most women are not as young as they are painted.
– Anonymous

DownUp +18

You can’t be late until you show up.
– Anonymous

DownUp +17

I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
– Shirley Temple

DownUp +16

An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
– Agatha Christie

DownUp +16

My wife hasn’t had a birthday in 4 years. She was born in the year of. Lord only knows.
– Anonymous

DownUp +16

War doesn’t determine who’s right. War determines who’s left.
– Anonymous

DownUp +16

Live as long as you may. The first twenty years are the longest half of your life.
– Anonymous

DownUp +16

If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
– Anonymous

DownUp +16

What a strange thing man is; and what a stranger thing woman.
– Anonymous

DownUp +16

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s – That’s because she changes it more often.
– Anonymous

DownUp +16

I hope life isn’t a joke, because I don’t get it.
– Anonymous

DownUp +15

There’s no half-singing in the shower, you’re either a rock star or an opera diva.
– Josh Groban