Funny Quotes and Sayings - Page 15

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If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
– Woody Allen

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In heaven all the interesting people are missing.
– Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

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I’m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
– Woody Allen

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Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
– Mark Twain

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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know.
– Groucho Marx

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Life is one fool thing after another where as love is two fool things after each other.
– Oscar Wilde

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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
– Groucho Marx

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A thunderstorm is God’s way of saying you spend too much time in front of the computer.
– Anonymous

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A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
– Oscar Wilde

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You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.
– George Washington

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Getting An Old Boyfriend Back With A Im Sorry Letter

Getting An Old Boyfriend Back With A Im Sorry Letter

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Don’t steal. The government hates competition.
– Author Unknown

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If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you!
– Author Unknown

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A skeptic is a person who would ask God for his ID card.
– Edgar A. Shoaff

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If your relationship has more issues than a magazine, I suggest you cancel that subscription.
– Anonymous

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It’s been scientifically proven that too many birthdays will loosen the skin just below your chin, making you look like Jabba the Hutt from Star Wars. Happy birthday
– Anonymous

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You could knock my teeth out and break my nose, and there’d be something funny about it to me.
– Chevy Chase

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If all you say are lies what do you say that is true?

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I wonder why you can always read a doctor’s bill and you can never read his prescription.
– Anonymous

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