Funny Quotes and Sayings - Page 11
Sub Categories :- Funny Birthday Quotes
- Funny Golf Quotes
- Funny Marriage Quotes
- Funny Men Quotes
- Funny Witty Quotes
- Funny Women Quotes
0If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
- Earl Wilson
0If the gods had intended for people to vote, they would have given us candidates.
- Howard Zinn
0Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!
- Monty Python
0I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.
- Jeff Foxworthy
0If my critics saw me walking over the Thames they would say it was because I couldn’t swim.
- Margaret Thatcher
0I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks.
- Joe E. Lewis
0The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
- Erma Bombeck
0It was like a heart transplant. We tried to implant college in him but his head rejected it.
- Barry Switzer
0Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because the cart cannot count, criticize or laugh.
- Anonymous
0I don’t like spinach, and I’m glad I don’t, because if I liked it I’d eat it, and I just hate it.
- Clarence Darrow
0When your bank account is so overdrawn that it is positively photographic, steps must be taken.
- Dorothy Parker
0Washington is a place where politicians don’t know which way is up and taxes don’t know which way is down.
- Robert Orben
0The past is an old armchair in the attic, the present an ominous ticking sound, and the future is any body’s guess.
- James Thurber
0Another term for balloon is bad breath holder.
- Demetri Martin
0You’re so much more endearing with the sound turned off.
- Brandon Boyd
0A blunderer is a man who starts a meat market during Lent.
- James Montgomery Bailey
0Have you seen my Kungfu lately? Cause it has gotten totally awesome!
- Gerard Way
0You’ve got about as much chance as finding a vegetarian pit bull terrier.
- Anonymous
0Let us be lazy in everything, except in loving and drinking, except in being lazy.
- Gotthold Ephraim Lessing
0Garry Shandling always said to me,”Don’t get mad, get funny. It changed my life.”
- Rip Torn
0Being in the army is like being in the Boy Scouts, except that the Boy Scouts have adult supervision.
- Blake Clark
0I figured out Karl Rove’s political strategy make gas so expensive, no Democrats can afford to go to the polls.
- Senator John Kerry
0Mission criticality does not imply criticality of mission.
- John Alejandro King
0Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting one in a fruit salad.
0Love is the emotion that a woman feels always for a poodle dog and sometimes for a man.
- George Jean Nathan
0Exceptionally we find a law which does not have an exception
0Nothing is impossible, means it is impossible to find something impossible,
here comes the contradiction………………..
-1Coffee isn’t my cup of tea.
- Samuel Goldwyn
-1It’s funny to me that I have to prove to the banks that I’M honest.
- Scott Adams
-1I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
- Rodney Dangerfield
-1Only one man ever understood me, and he didn’t understand me.
- G.W. Hegel
-1Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.
- Max Eastman
-1No flying machine will ever fly from New York to Paris.
- Orville Wright
-1The drivers have one foot on the brake, one on the clutch, and one on the throttle.
- Bob Varsha
-1A large nose is the mark of a witty, courteous, affable, generous and liberal man.
- Cyrano De Bergerac
-2Hello I am a virus and I am entering your brain right now sorry I will leave, I can’t find a brain.
- Anonymous
-2After God, long live wine.
- Rosalia De Castro
-2Marriage is like a coffin and each kid is like another nail.
- Dan Castellaneta
-2If all you say are lies what do you say that is true?
-3I always like a dog so long as he isn’t spelled backward.
- G.K. Chesterton
