Funny Quotes and Sayings - Page 10
Sub Categories :- Funny Birthday Quotes
- Funny Golf Quotes
- Funny Marriage Quotes
- Funny Men Quotes
- Funny Witty Quotes
- Funny Women Quotes
0A photographer & pessimist r the two people who always think abut negatives
0I am not a glutton. I am an explorer of food.
- Erma Bombeck
0I didn’t know he was dead; I thought he was British.
- Woody Allen
0In all matters of opinion, our adversaries are insane.
- Oscar Wilde
0Some days even my lucky rocket ship underpants won’t help.
- Calvin & Hobbes
0You know the good part about all those executions in Texas?
- George Carlin
0If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can’t it get us out?
- Will Rogers
0Just because nobody complains doesn’t mean all parachutes are perfect.
- Benny Hill
0He who runs behind truck is exhausted, he who runs in front of truck is tired.
- Anonymous
0You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.
- George Washington
0Mosquitoes remind us that we are not as high up on the food chain as we think.
- Tom Wilson
0A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
- Oscar Wilde
0Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
- Dave Barry
0The sum of intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.
- Anonymous
0A thunderstorm is God’s way of saying you spend too much time in front of the computer.
- Anonymous
0Funny is an attitude.
- Flip Wilson
0I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
- Groucho Marx
0Life is one fool thing after another where as love is two fool things after each other.
- Oscar Wilde
0One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know.
- Groucho Marx
0Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
- Mark Twain
0I’m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
- Woody Allen
0I don’t think I’ll get married again. I’ll just find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.
- Lewis Grizzard
0If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
- Woody Allen
0The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases.
- Carl Gustav Jung
0Lecturers should remember that the capacity of the mind to absorb is limited to what the seat can endure.
- Anonymous
0An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.
- Agatha Christie
0Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
- Mark Twain
0The most dangerous food is wedding cake.
- James Thurber
0Sometimes I’m so sweet even I can’t stand it.
- Julie Andrews
0When a thing is funny, search it for a hidden truth.
- George Bernard Shaw
0Don’t hate yourself in the morning. Sleep till noon.
- Anonymous
0I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.
- George Washington
0Don’t walk away! I’m trying to apologize you dumb noodle loaf!
- Calvin & Hobbes
0You get fifteen Democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions.
- Patrick Leahy
0California is a fine place to live if you happen to be an orange.
- Fred Allen
0At this moment I do not have a personal relationship with a computer.
- Janet Reno
0How has retirement affected my golf game? A lot more people beat me now.
- Dwight D. Eisenhower
0I’m going to give my psychoanalyst one more year, then I’m going to Lourdes.
- Woody Allen
0I don’t plan to grow old gracefully; I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.
- Rita Rudner
0My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that’s the law.
- Jerry Seinfeld
