Funny Marriage Quotes

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If more than one Mouse is Mice then more than one Spouse is SPICE..!!
– Anonymous

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When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
– Anonymous

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Love is blind, marriage is the eye-opener.
– Anonymous

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The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
– Anonymous

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You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
– Anonymous

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Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up
– Anonymous

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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
– Anonymous

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I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years
– Anonymous

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Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
– Anonymous

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It’s a funny thing that when a man hasn’t anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.
– Anonymous

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A man in love is incomplete until he is married. Then he’s finished.
– Anonymous

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Marriage is tricky; you start having hot sex in the kitchen and after a few years you end up eating cold food in bed.

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No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.
– Anonymous

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Marry for money, my little sonny, a rich man’s joke is always funny.
– Hebrew Proverb

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When you see a homeless man, feel no pity. He should have listened to his wife.
– Anonymous

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When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.
– Molly McGee

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People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important.
– Anonymous

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My wife told me the other day that I don’t take her to expensive places any more, so I took her to the gas station. – Anonymous

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When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner.
– Anonymous

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Ever since it started snowing my husband is standing in front of the window and watching. If the snow gets much worse, I might let him inside the house.
– Anonymous

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I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
– Anonymous

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One day my wife’s credit card got stolen.. what a relief it was to find that the thief spends less than my wife!
– Anonymous

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If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman; she will be all ears.
– Anonymous

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The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.
– Anonymous

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After a while, I eventually fell in love and there was nobody to pick me up.
– Anonymous

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No, please don’t eat me. I have a wife and kids,eat them.
– Homer Simpson

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Everyone is born equal in life, until they get married.
– Anonymous

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When you meet the right woman she will sink into your arms, then your arms in her sink.
– Anonymous

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All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.
– Raymond Hull

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A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve is extracted
– Helen Rowland

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“Marriage is a matter of give and take, but so far I haven’t been able to find anybody who’ll take what I have to give.
– Cass Daley

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When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.
– Helen Rowland

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A husband’s last words should always be, OK buy it.
– Anonymous

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My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
– Jimmy Durante

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One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again.
– Judith Viorst

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Car Manufacturer’s formula for a successful marriage : Stick to one model!
– Anonymous

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Three rings of marriage are the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.
– Anonymous

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I never knew what real happiness was until I got married. And by then it was too late.
– Max Kauffmann

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Women hope men will change after marriage but they don’t; men hope women won’t change but they do.
– Bettina Arndt

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My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn’t.
– Anonymous

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