Funny Men Quotes

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Why did God create men? Because vibrators can’t mow the lawn.
– Anonymous

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Perfect numbers like perfect men are very rare.
– Anonymous

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To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior’.
– Anonymous

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The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his chest.
– Anonymous

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You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent ? That’s why I never take baths.
– Anonymous

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Boys are like bubble gum, sweet in the beginning, but dull in the end! 😀

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The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.
– Anonymous

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A man in the house is worth two in the street.
– Anonymous

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All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
– Anonymous

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A genius is a man who can re wrap a new shirt and not have any pins left over.
– Anonymous

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The True Man wants 2 things: DANGER & PLAY. For that reason he wants Woman, as the Most Dangerous Plaything.
– Friedrich Nietzsche

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Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.
– Katherine Hepburn

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No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.
– Anonymous

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A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.
– Brendan Francis

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A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.
– Carrie Snow

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Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
– George Carlin

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When you see a homeless man, feel no pity. He should have listened to his wife.
– Anonymous

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No man stands so straight as when he stoops to help a boy.
– Anonymous

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Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don’t generate a lot of interest.
– Anonymous

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The older theory was, marry an older man because they’re more mature. But the new theory is men don’t mature. Marry a younger one.
– Rita Rudner

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The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs.
– Jeanne-Marie Roland

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Men marry because they are tired; women because they are curious; both are disappointed.
– Oscar Wilde

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art of the reason that men seem so much less loving than women is that men’s behavior is measured with a feminine ruler.
– Francesca M. Cancian

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What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? ‘Hold my purse’.
– Anonymous

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Some men have a den in their home, while others just growl all over the house.
– Anonymous

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Macho doesn’t prove mucho.
– Zsa Zsa Gabor

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They say women talk too much. If you have worked in Congress you know that the filibuster was invented by men.
– Clare Boothe Luce

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When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.
– Molly McGee

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It’s not the men in my life, it’s the life in my men.
– Mae West

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Lord, lord, how subject we men are to this vice of lying.
– William Shakespeare

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Men are like pumpkins. It seems like all the good ones are either taken or they’ve had everything scraped out of their heads with a spoon.
– Anonymous

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See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
– Robin Williams

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The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
– Robert Benchley

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I’ve dated men my age, younger than me and older. The only difference is the young ones are quicker at taking out the garbage.
– Lara Flynn Boyle

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Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.
– Diana Jordan

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Men are clinging to football on a level we aren’t even aware of. For centuries, we ruled everything, and now, in the last ten minutes, there are all these incursions by women. It’s our Alamo.
– Tony Kornheiser

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God made man stronger but not necessarily more intelligent. He gave women intuition and femininity. And, used properly, that combination easily jumbles the brain of any man I’ve ever met.
– Farrah Fawcett

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Talk to a man about himself and he will listen for hours.
– Benjamin Disraeli

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Ever since it started snowing my husband is standing in front of the window and watching. If the snow gets much worse, I might let him inside the house.
– Anonymous

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Humans were built to look back; that’s why we have that swivel joint in our necks.
– Stephen King

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