Funny Men Quotes
Why did God create men? Because vibrators can’t mow the lawn.
Perfect numbers like perfect men are very rare.
To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior’.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is through his chest.
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent ? That’s why I never take baths.
Boys are like bubble gum, sweet in the beginning, but dull in the end! 😀
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.
A man in the house is worth two in the street.
All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others.
A genius is a man who can re wrap a new shirt and not have any pins left over.
The True Man wants 2 things: DANGER & PLAY. For that reason he wants Woman, as the Most Dangerous Plaything.
– Friedrich Nietzsche
Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.
– Katherine Hepburn
No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.
A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.
– Brendan Francis
A male gynecologist is like an auto mechanic who has never owned a car.
– Carrie Snow
Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
– George Carlin
When you see a homeless man, feel no pity. He should have listened to his wife.
No man stands so straight as when he stoops to help a boy.
Men are like bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don’t generate a lot of interest.
The older theory was, marry an older man because they’re more mature. But the new theory is men don’t mature. Marry a younger one.
– Rita Rudner
The more I see of men, the more I admire dogs.
– Jeanne-Marie Roland
Men marry because they are tired; women because they are curious; both are disappointed.
– Oscar Wilde
art of the reason that men seem so much less loving than women is that men’s behavior is measured with a feminine ruler.
– Francesca M. Cancian
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? ‘Hold my purse’.
Some men have a den in their home, while others just growl all over the house.
Macho doesn’t prove mucho.
– Zsa Zsa Gabor
They say women talk too much. If you have worked in Congress you know that the filibuster was invented by men.
– Clare Boothe Luce
When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.
– Molly McGee
It’s not the men in my life, it’s the life in my men.
– Mae West
Lord, lord, how subject we men are to this vice of lying.
– William Shakespeare
Men are like pumpkins. It seems like all the good ones are either taken or they’ve had everything scraped out of their heads with a spoon.
See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
– Robin Williams
The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.
– Robert Benchley
I’ve dated men my age, younger than me and older. The only difference is the young ones are quicker at taking out the garbage.
– Lara Flynn Boyle
Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control.
– Diana Jordan
Men are clinging to football on a level we aren’t even aware of. For centuries, we ruled everything, and now, in the last ten minutes, there are all these incursions by women. It’s our Alamo.
– Tony Kornheiser
God made man stronger but not necessarily more intelligent. He gave women intuition and femininity. And, used properly, that combination easily jumbles the brain of any man I’ve ever met.
– Farrah Fawcett
Talk to a man about himself and he will listen for hours.
– Benjamin Disraeli
Ever since it started snowing my husband is standing in front of the window and watching. If the snow gets much worse, I might let him inside the house.
Humans were built to look back; that’s why we have that swivel joint in our necks.
– Stephen King