Funny Quotes and Sayings
+50I’ve got problem for your solution.
- Anonymous
+32Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again ?
- Anonymous
+26Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
- Maryon Pearson
+26When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
- Gracie Allen
+22My father hated radio and he could not wait for television to be invented so that he could hate that too.
- Peter De Vries
+20Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
- Will Rogers
+18I can resist everything except temptation.
- Oscar Wilde
+18I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
+15Silence is golden but duck tape is silver.
- Anonymous
+15I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted.
- George Best
+13There’s no half-singing in the shower, you’re either a rock star or an opera diva.
- Josh Groban
+11I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
- Shirley Temple
+10Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up.
- Joe Namath
+10Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
- Hedy Lamarr
+9Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.
- Jim Davis
+9The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.
- Kin Hubbard
+8The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.
- Albert Einstein
+6What’s another word for thesaurus?
- Steven Wright
+6Attack life, it’s going to kill you anyway.
- Steven Coallier
+5If it’s sent by ship then it’s a cargo, if it’s sent by road then it’s a shipment.
- Dave Allen
+4Happiness is the china shop; love is the bull.
- H. L. Mencken
+4A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
- Steven Wright
+4The man who says his wife can’t take a joke, forgets that she took him.
- Oscar Wilde
+4The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
- Henry Youngman
+4It wouldn’t be New Year’s if I didn’t have regrets.
- William Thomas