Funny Quotes and Sayings

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DownUp +138

I’ve got problem for your solution.
– Anonymous

DownUp +98

When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
– Gracie Allen

DownUp +94

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again ?
– Anonymous

DownUp +72

It isn’t homework unless it’s due tomorrow.
– Anonymous

DownUp +64

Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
– Maryon Pearson

DownUp +64

The man who says his wife can’t take a joke, forgets that she took him.
– Oscar Wilde

DownUp +60

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
– Will Rogers

DownUp +56

Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
– Anonymous

DownUp +48

Friendships last when each friend thinks he has a slight superiority over the other.
– Anonymous

DownUp +48

If more than one Mouse is Mice then more than one Spouse is SPICE..!!
– Anonymous

DownUp +48

Never interrupt your opponent while he’s making a mistake.
– Anonymous

DownUp +46

The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.
– Albert Einstein

DownUp +46

Why did God create men? Because vibrators can’t mow the lawn.
– Anonymous

DownUp +44

The only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.
– Anonymous

DownUp +42

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
– Anonymous

DownUp +42

Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up.
– Joe Namath

DownUp +42

I can resist everything except temptation.
– Oscar Wilde

DownUp +42

Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.
– Anonymous

DownUp +40

If it begins with a wink, it can end with a slap.

Submitted by Martin Dansky.
DownUp +38

When a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
– Anonymous

DownUp +38

Everyone has a photographic memory… some just don’t have film.
– Anonymous

DownUp +38

Perfect numbers like perfect men are very rare.
– Anonymous

DownUp +36

Knowledge is realizing that the street is one-way, wisdom is looking both directions anyway.
– Anonymous

DownUp +34

My father hated radio and he could not wait for television to be invented so that he could hate that too.
– Peter De Vries

DownUp +34

It’s not cheating unless you get caught.
– Anonymous

DownUp +34

You never learn anything by doing it right.
– Anonymous

DownUp +32

To generalize on women is dangerous. To specialize on them is infinitely worse.
– Anonymous

DownUp +32

Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
– Anonymous

DownUp +31

It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
– Anonymous

DownUp +30

The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight.
– Anonymous

DownUp +30

Don’t play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty.
– Anonymous

DownUp +30

Avoid hangovers stay drunk.
– Anonymous

DownUp +28

The real trouble with reality is that there’s no background music.
– Anonymous

DownUp +28

Love is blind, marriage is the eye-opener.
– Anonymous

DownUp +26

To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior’.
– Anonymous

DownUp +26

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.
– Anonymous

DownUp +26

I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot.
– Anonymous

DownUp +26

I have a tip that can take 5 strokes off anyone’s golf game. It’s called an eraser.
– Anonymous

DownUp +26

I play golf with friends sometimes, but there are never friendly games.
– Anonymous

DownUp +26

Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough.
– Anonymous

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