Funny Quotes and Sayings
+94I’ve got problem for your solution.
- Anonymous
+70Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again ?
- Anonymous
+56When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
- Gracie Allen
+42Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
- Maryon Pearson
+40Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
- Will Rogers
+32My father hated radio and he could not wait for television to be invented so that he could hate that too.
- Peter De Vries
+30I can resist everything except temptation.
- Oscar Wilde
+30The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.
- Albert Einstein
+28The man who says his wife can’t take a joke, forgets that she took him.
- Oscar Wilde
+28Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up.
- Joe Namath
+19Silence is golden but duck tape is silver.
- Anonymous
+19I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted.
- George Best
+19The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.
- Kin Hubbard
+18I see your face when I am dreaming. That’s why I always wake up screaming.
- A. A. Attanasio
+18I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
+18An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
- Agatha Christie
+17There’s no half-singing in the shower, you’re either a rock star or an opera diva.
- Josh Groban
+17I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
- Shirley Temple
+17The study of economy usually shows us that the best time for purchase was last year.
- Woody Allen
+16Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
- Hedy Lamarr
+14If it begins with a wink, it can end with a slap.
+12Attack life, it’s going to kill you anyway.
- Steven Coallier
+9Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.
- Jim Davis
+9I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
- Proverb
+9I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
- Winston Churchill