Funny Quotes and Sayings
+48I’ve got problem for your solution.
- Anonymous
+34Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again ?
- Anonymous
+32When I was born I was so surprised I didn’t talk for a year and a half.
- Gracie Allen
+24Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
- Maryon Pearson
+24My father hated radio and he could not wait for television to be invented so that he could hate that too.
- Peter De Vries
+24Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
- Will Rogers
+22I can resist everything except temptation.
- Oscar Wilde
+18I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
- Groucho Marx
+17Silence is golden but duck tape is silver.
- Anonymous
+16Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was shut up.
- Joe Namath
+15There’s no half-singing in the shower, you’re either a rock star or an opera diva.
- Josh Groban
+15I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted.
- George Best
+15I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.
- Shirley Temple
+12The difference between genius and stupidity is; genius has its limits.
- Albert Einstein
+12Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
- Hedy Lamarr
+11The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.
- Kin Hubbard
+10Attack life, it’s going to kill you anyway.
- Steven Coallier
+10The man who says his wife can’t take a joke, forgets that she took him.
- Oscar Wilde
+9Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.
- Jim Davis
+8It wouldn’t be New Year’s if I didn’t have regrets.
- William Thomas
+7If it’s sent by ship then it’s a cargo, if it’s sent by road then it’s a shipment.
- Dave Allen
+6Happiness is the china shop; love is the bull.
- H. L. Mencken
+6If it begins with a wink, it can end with a slap.
+5The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
- Andy Rooney
+5I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
- Proverb