Mark Twain Quotes

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To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.
– Mark Twain

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If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.
– Mark Twain

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Golf is a good walk spoiled.
– Mark Twain

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What would men be without women? Scarce, sir .. mighty scarce.
– Mark Twain

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Consider well the proportion of things. It is better to be a young June bug, than an old bird of paradise.
– Mark Twain

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When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.
– Mark Twain

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Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
– Mark Twain

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To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I’ve done it a thousand times.
– Mark Twain

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The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man’s.
– Mark Twain

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God: The most popular scapegoat for our sins.
– Mark Twain

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Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more.
– Mark Twain

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When a teacher calls a boy by his entire name, it means trouble.
– Mark Twain

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Whoever is happy will make others happy, too.
– Mark Twain

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Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.
– Mark Twain

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The first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity.
– Mark Twain

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There comes a time in every rightly constructed boy’s life when he has a raging desire to go somewhere and dig for hidden treasure.
– Mark Twain

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In religion and politics, people’s beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination.
– Mark Twain

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Get e bicycle. You will certainly not regret it, if you live.
– Mark Twain

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Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heal that has crushed it.
– Mark Twain

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I don’t give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.
– Mark Twain

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Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain’t so; it is the sickening grammar that they use.
– Mark Twain

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The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.
– Mark Twain

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Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time.
– Mark Twain

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The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.
– Mark Twain

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A baby is an inestimable blessing and bother.
– Mark Twain

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Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
– Mark Twain

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Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
– Mark Twain

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Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed.
– Mark Twain

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This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.
– Mark Twain

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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
– Mark Twain

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The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.
– Mark Twain

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To get the full value of joy You must have someone to divide it with.
– Mark Twain

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I would like to live in Manchester, England. The transition between Manchester and death would be unnoticeable.
– Mark Twain

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Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
– Mark Twain

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I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
– Mark Twain

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Drag your thoughts away from your troubles by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.
– Mark Twain

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Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.
– Mark Twain

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In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards.
– Mark Twain

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Familiarity breeds contempt and children.
– Mark Twain

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Humor is mankind’s greatest blessing.
– Mark Twain

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