Groucho Marx Quotes

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
- Groucho Marx

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
- Groucho Marx

I didn’t like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions the curtain was up.
- Groucho Marx

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
- Groucho Marx

I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
- Groucho Marx

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know.
- Groucho Marx

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
- Groucho Marx

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
- Groucho Marx

She’s afraid that if she leaves, she’ll become the life of the party.
- Groucho Marx

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