Dave Barry Quotes
+11Cigarette sales would drop to zero overnight if the warning said “CIGARETTES CONTAIN FAT.”
- Dave Barry
+4You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, My God, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!
- Dave Barry
+3You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.
- Dave Barry
+1After a day spent staring at a computer monitor, think of a book as a kind of screen saver for your brain.
- Dave Barry
+1And that’s the wonderful thing about family travel: it provides you with experiences that will remain locked forever in the scar tissue of your mind.
- Dave Barry
+1To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.
- Dave Barry
+1A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
- Dave Barry
+1The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.
- Dave Barry
+1There are two distinctive classes of people today; those who have personal computers, and those who have several thousand extra dollars a piece.
- Dave Barry
+1Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.
- Dave Barry
+1Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.
- Dave Barry
+1Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 feet per second, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.
- Dave Barry
+1I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.
- Dave Barry
+1I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.
— Dave Barry
+1Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight potestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.
- Dave Barry
+1It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.
- Dave Barry
+1The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.
- Dave Barry
+1Camping is nature’s way of promoting the motel business.
- Dave Barry
+1I haven’t been able to slam-dunk the basketball for the past five years. Or, for the thirty-eight years before that, either.
- Dave Barry
+1Camping nature’s way of promoting the motel industry.
- Dave Barry
+1People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
- Dave Barry
+1It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person’s plate.
- Dave Barry
0Dog sled riding is a sport that is relaxing as well as fragrant.
- Dave Barry
0Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
- Dave BarryDave Barry
-1The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning ability to, and bics, meaning withstand tremendous boredom.
- Dave Barry
